How Marluxia REALLY became Lord of Castle Oblivion
by caspercumbuddyxi
Summary: Marluxia is tired of no one acknowledging his awesomeness... This cannot end well.


**Completely written on the fly and based off of a daydream I had when I couldn't sleep. Ish a draft. Also, complete and utter skullcrackfuckery. Meaning those of you who are canon purists are REALLY gonna hate me for it.**

It wasn't easy being a neophyte. One never got the respect one felt-- knew-- he deserved. One neophyte in particular "felt" the sting of ostracism from the veteran members: Apparently being able to command greenery wasn't considered a very formidable power, especially when one had petal-pink hair and the word "graceful" in his title.

Though none of the veterans gave Marluxia the admiration he deserved, one specific member seemed more offended by his presence than anyone else. He made it no secret that he outright despised Marluxia, insomuch as he could. Marluxia himself felt more neutrally: He wouldn't hesitate to issue a death promise if it came to that, but on the other hand, he found the arrogant scientist ... alluring. Physically? Sexually? He sometimes wondered if Vexen disliked him so because of his pretense or because he had the same attraction and refused to admit it.

One night, Marluxia decided to find out for himself. Why not? He didn't have anything else to do. Arming himself with only a bottle of massage oil, he made his way down to the basement.

Three hours later, he could have sworn he passed the same column for the 50th damn time. While impressive and foreboding, Castle Oblivion didn't have the most sensible architecture. Finally, it occurred to him to teleport just outside Vexen's lab, open the door, and walk in. It's not like the older man would know the difference.

Vexen was currently at work with something very important when the sound of the laboratory door opening distracted him. Blast! He stormed over to the door and was met by that pretentious neophyte, XI. Vexen narrowed his large green eyes. What was he doing here?

Ignoring the hostile look on the elder's face, Marluxia glided in and made himself as comfortable as inhumanly possible on one of the steel tables that served as the lab's main furniture.

Vexen's raised hackles refused to lower. "What. Are. YOU. Doing. Here?" he bit out, his voice going shriller than usual on "you." Marluxia only smiled at him. Damn that man! Vexen tried to shake it off and get back to work, but no sooner had he regained his focus than he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist and a body pressed against his back. Gee. He wondered who that could be.

"Kindly remove your presence from my general vicinity," he snapped. When Marluxia didn't move, Vexen explained, "That means, 'get off of me!'"

Marluxia smiled one of his self-satisfied smiles. "You should relax," he said, the statement sounding like a command. His slender fingers worked deftly at undoing the buttons on Vexen's white lab coat, then proceeded to the belt on his slacks.

The Organization's pet botanist was a homosexual. What a surprise. Vexen rolled his eyes. Let's get this over with. He turned around quickly in Marluxia's arms, stripped off the other man's cloak, and undid his pants, pushing them down and forcing Marluxia down on the steel table.

Marluxia didn't let the surprise show on his face, but this was going a lot faster than he'd planned, and Vexen was stronger than the thought. He barely had time to process these thoughts when Vexen slammed into him, without warning or lubricant. Clenching his teeth against a slew of oaths, Marluxia muttered, "There's a bottle of oil in my cloak."

Vexen retrieved it, then continued what he'd been doing. Half an hour later, he left a very sore Marluxia lying half-naked on the table, covered in both their juices, and went back to the Very Important Experiment he'd been working on before.

Just as Vexen was regaining his concentration for the second time, Zexion decided it would be a good idea to update the elder on the Very Important Discussion he and Lexaeus had been having. It might help him with his research, after all.

The bluenet's eyes widened slightly when he saw the half-naked and disheveled young man on Vexen's table, but otherwise he betrayed no surprise. He made a mental note to keep his distance from Vexen in the future. Or maybe just hide behind Lexaeus.

Vexen wasn't happy about the interruption, but as it was Zexion, one of the few other members who, in his opinion, seemed to possess a frontal lobe, he was willing to put his experiment on hold for another ten minutes to listen to what the boy had to say. Honestly, the Schemer talked a blue streak sometimes. Then he noticed where Zexion was looking. Hastily, and somewhat more eloquently than the author, he explained that XI had come down to the lab looking to get laid and that Vexen had thought it better to just get it over with so he could get back to his experiment, than to try and fight it. Zexion smirked but said nothing. Marluxia made a strangled groan of protest, but the others ignored him.

Despite the fact that Lexaeus was basically Zexion's bitch and would do pretty much anything the smaller asked of him, Zexion hadn't exactly been getting his rocks off lately either. He nabbed the mostly-full bottle of oil still on the table and went to work, chatting rather merrily at Vexen as he did the prone pinket.

Said man was probably the one having the least fun at this point. Contrary to what the rest of the Organization seemed to think, he was neither gay nor promiscuous enough to enjoy a shag by a veritable stranger for whom he, himself, did not hold a candle. He wasn't sure if he had the energy to scream, but it was worth a try.

"AXEL!" he cried out. *cough-cough* Not the smartest move. Yes, Axel did appear almost instantly. However, he totally misinterpreted Marluxia's scream as a scream of pleasure rather than a scream for help and proceeded to unpants and shove himself down Marluxia's throat, ignoring his gags and protests. Somehow, Axel and Zexion were able to carry on a fairly lively conversation. Vexen, for his part, shook his head and went back to his Very Important Experiment, taking the information Zexion had given him into account while making modifications for blah blah scientific blah.

45 minutes later, when Axel and Zexion decided they'd had their fun, they left a very wet and bedraggled Marluxia on the table as they went to continue their lively conversation elsewhere. Marluxia passed out with visions of growing Venus fly traps under those two's beds dancing in his head.

The next ... non-morning--okay, just EIGHT HOURS LATER-- it was clear that our unfortunate No. XI was in deep shit with the Superior. He'd missed a summons, and since Xemnas was a Very Important Man with Very Important Things to Do, the latter was understandably not happy with what was clearly a flippant attempt by a neophyte to flout authority. He wasn't even in his room! Where could he be?

No Nobody can hide anything from the all-knowing Superior! Therefore, Xemnas eventually found XI passed out in IV's lab, covered in a congealing white something that smelled like sugary sweat. Charming. Anyhow, as XI regained consciousness, Xemnas demanded to know what the hell had happened and why exactly Marluxia thought he could get away with flouting Xemnas's almighty authority. Marluxia threw a sidelong glance at Vexen and shifted uncomfortably.

Though possibly more full of himself than XI and IV combined (?!!), Xemnas wasn't a complete idiot. He knew how to take a hint, and one was a big giant neon sign proclaiming LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS ELSEWHERE. So off to the Superior's mighty chambers they went.

Once they were there, Marluxia explained in a breaking voice how he'd just gone down to IV's lab to give him a nice massage, because he thought that if IV was more relaxed, he'd be able to get his Very Important Experiment for the Sake of Kingdom Hearts!!! done with a clearer head and better focus. Then, without any reason at all, IV had suddenly raped him on the table, leaving him too stunned and sore to move. Just as he was recovering his wits, Zexion and Axel had repeated the action and just left him there.

What? Don't look at me like that. Of course he's a good bullshit artist. He kind of has to be, to survive in a place like that. And with him being a neophyte and all, of course Xemnas would buy that he was too weak to hold Nos. IV, VI, and VIII off him. (Really, I think he was just too shocked at first, then too lazy, and then towards the end might have actually started to enjoy it.)

Remember that discussion we had earlier about Xemnas not being a complete idiot? He's still not, but he can get a little... preoccupied. See, Marluxia was standing in a place where Xemnas could conveniently tune him out, stare at Kingdom Hearts, and still appear to be listening intently. So basically what he got out of the wibbling tattletale was that there had been an orgy to which he, The Almighty Mansex-- er, Xemnas-- hadn't been invited. Also... KINGDOM HEARTS!

So by some thought process that utterly defies all logic, Xemnas decided that Marluxia should be his bicycle for the next few hours as well.

Remember that discussion about Marluxia not being a gay hooker? I think Ansem Retort briefly touched on this as well. This must have been the point where he changed his mind. Or maybe it was just that, while he didn't like sleeping with random guys, he did like sleeping with someone in power. Kind of like... Anne Boleyn... and Eva Braun... who, incidentally, share the same Zodiac sign. But now the author is rambling and should return to the subject at hand.

The point is, Marluxia made a good little pet for Xemnas, screaming out SUPERIOR! towards the end and, well, Xemnas liked to think of himself as a benevolent leader. (He did?) Of course. All tyrants do. It's, like, in their handbook or something.

Or maybe he just decided he wanted to keep Marluxia and didn't want any of his underlings getting their grubby paws on him. Thusly, Marluxia received a promotion: Lord of Castle Oblivion.

The end.


End file.
